How Even An Idiot Can Make 2-Ingredient Paleo Banana Egg Pancakes

In Lifestyle on

Part of me wants to punch the people who post this recipe on their perfect food perfect person blogs. Though I’m not Paleo, I do try to eat real food 90% of the time. And I remembered reading about these Paleo egg and banana pancakes and seeing all the pretty pictures and thinking how easy it would be to make them.

Bullshit. It’s not easy. It took 3-4 tries before I figured out what the hell I was doing. Before I didn’t make a sloppy mess of pancake sauce useful for exactly three functions: nothing, less than nothing, and trash. So I wanted to do a more complete tutorial that takes into account the pain in the ass that is banana egg pancakes. And doesn’t just show you the “look how cute it is” pics without all the torture and screaming it took to get there.

Or maybe I’m just an idiot. But if you’re an idiot too, don’t give up on these after the first try. They are easy to make. Eventually.

Also, don’t be fooled into thinking you’re going to get something that tastes just like a pancake. Instead, it’s going to feel more like very wet crepes. But yummy. Especially with bacon or fruit. Even cottage cheese.

It starts with the bananas. Sure, it helps if they’re pretty ripe but they don’t have to be. Just use some non-green bananas that have been sitting around long enough for nobody to eat them. Hopefully, they’ve got a few brown freckles to make them easier to mash. So after you turn on the griddle (and I do recommend a griddle over a stovetop pan), mash them with a potato masher until they’re smooth. Smooth like apple sauce.

Take four eggs.

Whip ’em good.

Join the eggs and bananas in a peaceful union.

See the lip on that bowl?  Use one like it. I lived for decades without pouring bowls and only got mine this year. While it’s not exactly life-changing, it does encourage a lot less cursing.

I forgot to include a shot of the eggs and bananas mixed up, but you can kind of see it in the background of the following. You’re still going for the kind of smoothness that can be achieved by doing your wasabi and soy sauce American proper.

I add tumeric because it’s good for you and ground cinnamon because it’s delicious and good for you. I also usually add just a bit of salt. It seems anyone could add allspice, nutmeg, or any other baking spice depending on preference.

Then you spread some butter over a preheated griddle and pour the tiniest bit of the batter on. It spreads fast and you don’t want to move things around until one side is firm.

Each pancake should be about the size of the palm of your hand.

I set the timer to 3 minutes for our griddle, which is heated to 425°F. Your timing may vary.

They are ready to flip when and only when you can move them from side to side without incident. Don’t be like me and try to flip them based on someone else’s timer. You’ll find yourself losing your shit over a pancake. And I promise you, it’s not a pretty sight.

Below, not ready:

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Below, is ready:

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See what I mean?

When you go to flip, you may only be able to get the edge of these not-very-firm suckers to flip. That’s okay, just flip gently.

Set the timer for 2/3 as long to cook the other side, which shouldn’t take as long. You can lift them up and look for some golden-ness to see if they’re done. As you finish each cake, move it to a plate. I like to move all of them at once then do another round of cakes. I usually need to do 3 rounds.

Oh, hey!  They’re starting to look like perfecakes!

Yeah, whatever. Don’t be fooled. These aren’t even perfect and this was probably my 10th time making these assholes.

Find recipes anywhere. Mine came from The Kitchn whose posts are always better than perfectly perfect. And following them on social media is as annoying as it is wonderful.

Also, when I have them I like to add any of the following to this meal:

  • Bacon
  • Cottage Cheese
  • Greek Yogurt
  • Berries of Any Kind
  • Powdered Sugar
  • Chocolate Chips
  • Chopped Walnuts

If you decide to make these, let me know how it goes in the comments below. Also, if you tried before, fucked it up a few times and gave up, let me know that too. We can’t all be Martha Stewart.

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